Afraid to ask the wrong questions when trying to understand BLM?

If you’re growing increasingly aware that you are less sure about the cultures around you than you once thought you were, you are not alone. One question that I see underlying a lot of public discussions lately is “Why Black Lives Matter? I thought we were all one race, the human race.” In a lot of ways, I know that this comes from a genuine place of wanting to love all people, as we believe we should. Here are a couple of reasons why this is offensive however, to all people.

When we see ourselves everywhere

For many white Americans, we believe that if we grew up together and live in the same community that must mean that we’re basically all the same. Why is that? Well, one of the reasons is that when you grow up white in America and you see yourself everywhere you look (mannequins, magazines, tv commercials, books, emojis, etc.), it's easy to believe that everyone is in fact just like you (even if they have a different skin color).

When we grow up "together" going to the same schools and shop at the same grocery stores and buy gas at the same gas stations, it's easy to assume that all families are like ours. It's also easy to assume everyone's experiences growing up are the same too.

And just because we've advanced technologically, and even socially, over the years, American culture is still predominantly a reflection of white Americans. Did you know facial recognition on smartphones doesn't work well for non-whites, in the year 2020?

What is American culture?

In America, one of our challenges as a country has been that white culture is so ingrained in our society that it can be easy to believe that white culture is what it means to be American.  So, even if you are not white, it is assumed that we all share the same culture by nature of being American. And we do on one level. And we don’t on many other levels.

Yes, a lot of Americans share national values like independence, freedom, critical thinking, and creativity. And while these values shape our shared national culture, we also still have very diverse family values, cultures, heritages, races, and ethnicities.

What you'll find my family eating for Christmas

It can be confusing trying to wrap our minds around the reality that not everyone is just like us when we grow up in the same country. So, let’s look at an example like food. Food has deep roots in our heritage and family culture in a visible way (unlike much else about culture, which is often hard to put into words because it’s so ingrained in who we are).

Here's a personal example. On Christmas Day, you’ll find my family eating Prime Rib Roast and Yorkshire Pudding.  Why?  Because that’s the meal that came with my great-grandmother from Scotland. And let me guess, you've never had Yorkshire Pudding, have you? :) For me personally, I deeply value my Scottish and English heritage and culture as much as I value my American culture. And it is precisely because I’m American that I can do this. And an easy way to see this is by what we eat at Christmas.

For everyone, what we do and why we do it is shaped by our culture. And the beautiful thing about America is that it is a country in which we can have a strong shared national culture while also having diverse family cultures and values, which are shaped in part by our race and ethnicity.

When we say "we're all one race"

So, here’s why saying we’re all one race (the human race) is actually offensive. For starters, so far as I can tell, I only hear white Americans saying this. So again, it can be easy to say this if we go back to the idea that because we are Americans, we must all be “alike” and share the same family values and culture even if we don't look the same.

We might also say it because we’re uncomfortable with people who are different than us and we subconsciously want one race, and while this may not be what is intended when it is said, it is how it is received.  When we say "why BLM? I thought we were all one human race," it makes people feel like their race and ethnicity and heritage and family culture do not in fact matter.  When the reality is that that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Different races, cultures, and people are BY DESIGN.  It is intentional.  There is no one race. There is no one perfect culture. Yes, we all share the fact that we are humans. But until we can value all races and ethnicities because of the value that they fundamentally have, we must be intentional about making sure BIPOC know that their lives matter too.

And in America particularly, BIPOC have been made to feel less valued than whites (even in our official documents) for longer than they haven’t.

So, why BLM?

So why Black Lives Matter?  Because for too long in America they haven’t mattered.  And it’s beyond time that they do.

So, this week, could you do me a favor and ask three of your friends what they eat for Christmas, Hanukah, or Kwanzaa, or another major holiday? And why they eat it? When we begin to discover why people do what they do, we begin to have a better appreciation for them as whole people and fear our differences less. And maybe a safe conversation about the different foods we eat and why we eat them could open the way for a conversation about our different experiences growing up in America and what that means for us today and where we go from here.

By the way, what do you eat for Christmas or your favorite holiday? Comment below!