Why My Husband's Favorite Advice Got Him a Date With Me (and why you need it in your life today)

One of my favorite inside jokes with my husband while driving around our city, is spotting a restaurant, and asking him who he had a date with there. I ask him this because I know that he most likely did take someone on a date there!

No, my husband was not a serial dater. But he knew that he wanted to get married someday and have a family. And that meant, someday he was going to ask his future wife out on a date. So, he made it his goal to get his reps in.

The Only Way to Know For Sure

He knew that the only way he was going to get a first date with his future wife was if he asked her out on a date. And the only way he was going to get confident doing this, was actually doing it. Not to mention the fact that he could only actually know if she was “the one” by going out with her. He knew that he couldn’t possibly know who he wanted to marry without actually going out with her and getting to know her.

So, when he knew that I was available (and thought I was super interested) he very easily asked me out and within a week, we’d gone out three times! Mind you, that was the week of his marathon, my half-marathon, and while I was training for my Ironman. So, we actually had to make the time to see each other because we were both living very full lives at the time.

Let's just say it didn't take me long to know that I wanted to marry him. If he hadn't been so comfortable and confident dating, I don't know if we would have the life we have together today. Because I don't know if he would have been confident enough to ask me out. And he was so cool and reserved that I don't think I would have asked him out because it didn't seem like he was interested.

You Are Enough

Y'all come on! It's not that you are not smart enough, good enough, brilliant enough, know what you're doing enough, it's that you need to get your reps in! The only way that you are going to truly feel confident about what you do now, or what you want to be doing in the future, is to get your reps in. Whether we're talking about dating, your role as a leader, your place at the table, you need to get your reps in so that you can learn to trust yourself in the moment.

The only way you we learn how to trust ourselves is to be in those places and actually do the dang thing. It is not about trying harder or working harder. It is simply about putting ourselves out there and actually doing it even when it makes us nervous.

If my husband had sat around the years leading up to us meeting thinking about all the ways that he could ask out his future wife, and imagine the dates that they could go on, but he never actually asked anyone out during those years, then he never would have had the confidence to ask me out when our paths eventually crossed.

He had the confidence to ask me out because he was confident about asking someone out and he knew that he could have fun on a first, second, or third date (even if it didn’t lead to anything more than friendship). So, he didn't hesitate to ask me out. If he had only been imagining and thinking about that for years, I doubt we would be where we are today.

Get Your Reps In Now

If you know that there is something you want to be doing, whether in your leadership or in your life or in your career, let me encourage you to get your reps in now so that when the moment comes, you're already ready! The action comes before the confidence.

You want to be a speaker? Start speaking now. You want a family someday? Start making yourself available now. Go on those dates. You want to meet new people? Put yourself in new places now. Meet the new people. Pick up a new hobby. You want to be leading a team someday? Look around you and start leading the people already there. You want to give presentations confidently Sunday? Start preparing them now. You want more time to spend with family and friends? Ask someone to fill in for you or take on one of your projects for you now.

Amanda Gorman was not simply sitting around at home imagining that someday she would like to write poetry and perhaps one day be the inaugural poet preforming at the 59th Presidential Inauguration. She was honing her craft and putting in the time developing her skill. She was already doing what she loved and wanted to do.

It's not that you need to learn more, invest more, study more. There will always be more things to know and you can learn them along the way. What you need to do is take some notes for my husband's dating playbook and get your reps in now. The learning, discovery and confidence comes while you’re doing your thing.