How to Navigate Transitions in Life and at Work (BIG and SMALL)

Are you going through a transition right now in life or at work and are surprised by how challenging and stressful the transition is? The reason why transitions can be much harder than we expect might surprise you, but when you know the secrete of navigating transitions well, you can make it easier on yourself while maximizing your own growth between ending something and starting something new.

Every time I go through a transition in life, whether it's big like having a baby, or small like buying a new vehicle, I go through this process to make sure I make the most out of every new transition.

A lot of times during transitions, whether big or small, we get surprised by feelings like anger, anxiety, stress, even inner personal meltdown if you will. And let me start by saying: these feelings, they're normal. You are absolutely normal for feeling this way whenever you're going through transition, no matter the size.

In fact, just this last weekend, I was caught off guard for a minute until I realized what was happening, when after months of waiting for our new vehicle we got the call that it was in, and so we went to pick it up, brought it home and then I started feeling anxious. And then after we put our sons to bed, we walked out into the kitchen and I broke down in tears. And it wasn't until I said aloud "but we just sold my old car" that I realized what was actually going on for me.

Because to quote Semisonic "every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end."

So the surprising truth about transitions that most of us forget is that every time we start something new, something else just ended. So every transition that we go through, whether it's a new vehicle, a baby, a new house, a new role at work, it always involves not just the beginning and the ending, but sometimes even more importantly this middle neutral space.

So while you might think that when it comes to transitions the first step is the beginning, the opposite is actually true:  it's the ending that's step 1. Because with every new beginning it actually starts with ending something else. And with every ending comes some amount of loss, and with every loss comes grief. And to a certain extent, the loss that we feel is in part because of who we saw ourselves to be, our identity, as part of that thing that's actually ending.

So it's totally normal when a transition actually evokes somewhat of an identity crisis for us. Often as we're starting something new, we can oddly feel out of sync or like we're having this inner struggle or even an interpersonal meltdown as we're going through a season of transition. Aka why I was crying the night that we picked up the car that we had been longing for and waiting for all summer and it was finally here. And then I burst into tears. Because selling my car was also an end to that person who bought that car and who she was so many years ago.

These are the normal feelings that accompany transitions and especially that neutral in-between space of starting something new and ending it and becoming someone new as we say "goodbye" to the old and hello to the new. It is totally normal to feel confused and even like things are super hard during transitions, because, well, a lot of time they really are. You're about to do something new, or maybe you already are, and you are also becoming someone new.

So, self-doubt, anxiety, fear, are all totally normal feelings when it comes to transitions big or small. I love what William Bridges says about transitions, "Every transition begins with an ending. We have to let go of the old thing before we can pick up the new one -- not just outwardly, but inwardly, where we keep our connections to people and places that act as definitions of who we are." But because so many of us are actually scared of endings, we want to get through the process and transition as quickly as possible to start our new thing, and in doing so we miss that opportunity to pause and really do the inner work that's necessary to become who we need to in order to start something new.

Before picking up our new vehicle, I really hadn't spent much time thinking about selling my old car, except thinking about it as a transaction, and yep, we need to sell our old car and we can have it as a down payment for our new vehicle. But I did not stop to think about what that would actually mean for me to sell my old car. I just wanted to get through that process as quickly as possible so that we could have our new, bigger, amazing vehicle.

But doing anything new requires doing things differently and even being someone different. And we cannot do that without letting go of the old. So part of my sadness in selling my old car was because when I bought that car, my husband and I hadn't even started dating. I was single and I always wanted to be ready for adventure and to be able to go anywhere at a moment's notice whether it was hiking, or rock climbing, or canoeing or kayaking, or skiing, or anything that you could possibly imagine. And so part of selling that car was also letting go of who I used to be years ago even though I actually haven't been single and kidless for years now. But part of selling that car was also part of continuing to let go of my old identity.

See, when we have a better understanding of all that transitions really involve, not just the beginning and the ending and the in-between phase where a lot of the growth actually happens, then the process of growth and change and disorientation and reorientation can become a welcomed part of transitions rather than being resisted, which is where many of us often find ourselves. And that is why transitions can be so hard, even the small ones.

Because it's this in-between space where so much of the growth, and necessary growth to make the most out of our new beginnings actually happens. And let's be real, sometimes there's no external space for this processing to happen because there's an overlap of when we're ending something and starting something new, like when we start a new job or when we have a kid or when we get married or when we sell an old car and buy a new one, there's often not an actual gap in time between the transitions taking place. 

So the other thing that we need to do during transitions is to carve out time for ourselves to process. And sometimes this just happens naturally after you put the kids down to bed and find yourself in the kitchen saying "because we sold my old car," and you find yourself crying and that's always a cue that space to process is needed and maybe it's because you really liked working with that team, or you really liked working in that space or you really liked that old home, and maybe that need to process will just happen naturally for you, but a lot of times we need to intentionally create space for it especially if our transition involves other people.

And when transitions are really hard, and it's really challenging to find the meaning of it, in it, one question that can be really helpful to ask ourselves is: what is it time to let go of in my own life right now?

While your transition may be obvious and you're already starting your new beginning, or you're finding yourself in that in-between phase of something ending and now you're not really sure what's actually next, the three parts of transition are always the same: an ending, an in-between place, and a new beginning. And this process might take a few minutes, it could take a few days, it could take a couple of weeks, it could take months.

So here's what I want you to remember with every transition that you go through: start with the ending, even if you're super excited about your new beginning, and create space to identify what needs to end in order for you to become who you want or need to be for your new beginning.

And if you want an incredible resource about transitions, I cannot recommend the book "Transitions" by William Bridges enough. I go back to this book time and time again, especially during life's bigger transitions.

Nos, let me know in the comments below if you reacted the same way after buying your first minivan!