Ignoring frustration doesn’t work. Use this practice instead.

If you're leading in this season of chaos, uncertainty, and volatility, then you know how frustrated people are feeling right now. Not to mention hopeless, angry, sad, worried, exhausted, and even paralyzed.

In seasons of much change and uncertainty, there is one common thread: loss. (Yes, even good change involves loss of what was for what could be.)

And loss means grief. Sure, it might not be the bone aching heartbreaking grief like losing a loved one. But every change involves loss which means grief is a part of it as well. And when we experience lots of loss over an extended period of time, it can be easy to get bitter, jaded, combative, or even paralyzed.

The Perfect Storm for Fight or Flight

Loss from change is compounded even further we’re facing challenges that don’t have clear-cut solutions to them, like working during Covid-19, educating our kids during a pandemic, leading our faith communities during a pandemic, dealing with forest fires, loss of loved ones we can’t be with to say good-bye to, addressing cultures of racism, etc.

And as you know, every one of us can only handle so much stress before the fight or flight kicks in. Which was a few months ago for some people.

So, what’s your go-to for helping people address loss, and grief, faithfully? People need to be able to be completely honest and raw, and simultaneously find hope again, even if circumstances don't change.

How to Lead our People Through Their Grief

As Christian leaders, one of the most beneficial things we can do right now is lead our communities through their loss and grief. One practice that is designed to help people spiritually process their losses as part of things like a pandemic, civil unrest, and election emotions is the practice of lament.

The spiritual practice of lament invites people to enter into a process of acknowledging the longings and losses that accompany any type of change, chosen or imposed. Lamenting creates space for grieving losses and building trust in God’s direction for the future.

When we create space for people to bring to God what they wish for their life as well as how they feel God has failed them, others have failed them, and they have failed themselves, the grace and forgiveness they receive open their hearts to hope again.

People are at the ends of their rope. The sense of hopelessness is so high right now. Thankfully, we have a Savior who has experienced sufferings far greater than we ever will and meets us as we are where we are. Though our circumstances won’t change through lament, bringing our hurt, anger, frustration, and tears to God opens our hearts to the hope that we ultimately have in Jesus and God’s faithfulness.

How to Practice Lament

There are numerous Psalms that give us a way to lament by being open and honest with God as well as finding our hope in Christ alone again. For example, see Psalms 42 and 43. Just as David did, write out your prayer of lament, using the following prompts:

1. Address God by naming God in a personal way to you (i.e. Father, Savior, Abba, Lord, etc.) recalling God’s faithfulness to you in the past.
2. Share your complaints (How do you feel God has failed you? How do you feel others have failed you? How do you feel you have failed?).
3. Ask for God’s grace and mercy.
4. Ask for God’s help in specific ways.
5. Affirm Trust in God (What has God’s faithfulness looked like in the past? What might God’s faithfulness look like going forward?).
6. Thank God for who God is, that God has heard you, and that God will answer you.

If you haven't personally done this yet, set aside 20 minutes and experience for yourself the benefits that lament can have in seasons of loss.

It's Not Just You, This is A Lot

Heifetz and Linsky wrote in their book Leadership on the Line, “Adaptive change [change we don’t yet have solutions to] stimulates resistance because it challenges people’s habits, beliefs, and values. It asks them to take a loss, experience uncertainty, and even express disloyalty to people and cultures…and it challenges their sense of competence.”

I believe this is one of the major causes of all the tension, stress, depression, and anxiety we’re facing in the US right now (and perhaps around the world). Massive loss from all the changes to daily life since March 2020 + normal responses to adaptive challenges that confront our habits, beliefs, values, loyalties, and competence.

And most people have not grieved all this loss, for it has come like wave upon wave barely giving people a chance to come up for air before another one was upon us.

So do yourself, and your people, a favor this week and take time to lament individually, together, and corporately. And let hope fill your heats and lungs again.